The Power of Your Crossroads

Some years back, my biological mother passed away. I reached out and let my middle biological brother know; however, I couldn't get in touch with my eldest biological brother until a few weeks after the funeral. 

We talked on the phone for a while and he was extremely depressed about the loss of his mother. He had been the only child our biological mother chose to keep, so it was expected that the loss would hit him hardest. 

In our conversation he made several statements that broke my heart. In fact, every time I think about these statements, they hurt my heart all over again. 

“You know, you turned out good. You’re the only one,” he said. “God must love you, He saved you. But it’s too late for me.” 

My grandparents tried to adopt my eldest biological brother too; however, our biological mother refused to surrender her rights to him, even when she was in and out of incarceration. Unfortunately, this placed him growing up in the center of our biological mother’s world. 

While she was in and out of jail for our early childhood, she was able to stay off the police radar when we were older. But, this doesn’t mean her illicit behaviors ended.

She was buying, selling and using prescription narcotics and various other drugs. 

She had needle marks under her fingernails and toenails and constantly tried to hide them.

She was a master manipulator and was extremely skilled at befriending the elderly, getting them to trust her with power of attorney and draining them of their savings right under their noses.

She had life insurance policies on everyone in our family, and many others we didn’t know.

She was also skilled at luring in wealthy, older men and convincing them to pour their fortunes into her bank account in exchange for “love.”

After being gone for days and weeks, she would often show up in our driveway with brand new cars, new clothes and jewelry and an armful of presents for everyone. 

When we were a little older, she didn’t disappear as often, but she still had a knack for renting expensive homes, driving expensive vehicles, taking everyone out to eat on her tab and making sure dozens and dozens of presents were stacked around the Christmas tree each Christmas. 

I’m sure elements of her lifestyle may come across as glamorous to some, but I can assure you, it was anything but glamorous. Especially if you had a glimpse behind the closed doors. 

She was always operating so many deceptions, even now it’s hard for me to look back and know what was the truth and what were the lies. 

If someone confronted her with the truth, she would try to lie her way out of the confrontation. In moments that failed to work, she would react with angry and violent outbursts … anyone in her path would be the recipient of her violence.

She also talked frequently of people she had murdered who she felt betrayed her or did harm to those she cared about. Obviously, she was never imprisoned for this. But, to this day, I actually believe this is one statement she made that was true. 

She created such a hostile, unstable environment, there came a point where I refused to take any medicine she gave me, actually fearing she might be trying to kill me. 

I can’t speak to whether that is a fact or not, only to the type of chaos she incited in those in her wake.

I noticed over the years there were two types of perspectives people had of my biological mother. Some revered her, as they had seen only her generosity and charm. Others feared her, unsure of how she would react if she felt threatened. I watched her operate in both realms and remained puzzled as to how others couldn’t see what was happening when a child could. 

I grew up in the direct path of these behaviors for the many years she lived with us. However, my biological brother was encapsulated by the chaos until he was old enough to move out of the house. 

He was in and out of trouble as a teenager. This trouble followed him into his adult years, mostly in the forms of domestic violence and violations of probation. He left Florida several years ago, running from outstanding warrants. From my understanding, if he were to come back into the state, he would be arrested. 

At the time of our conversation I mentioned above, he shared with me that he was working as the “point of contact” for a high end escort service in another state. In other words, he was working directly in what would either be called a prostitution or human trafficking ring.

I was taken back at how nonchalantly he shared this information with me. 

“Isn’t what you are doing illegal?” I asked, unsure of any other way to respond. 

“Eh. No one around here cares. It’s a way to make a good living and something I’m good at,” he responded. 

After a moment of silence, because I simply didn’t know what to say next, he continued to talk. 

“I’m not like you sis. You’ve always been different. The only person to ever really love me was mom, and she’s gone now,” he said, still speaking in a casual tone. “This is who I am and it’s too late for me to be saved. But, I’m glad God saved you.” 

These words hurt my heart and angered me at the same time. 

“It’s NOT too late for you,” I exclaimed! “As long as there is breath in your body, there is hope. I’ll help you!” 

He laughed. 

“Nah sis. My destiny was written for me,” he responded. “But thank you.” 

When we hung up the phone after that call, my heart was grieved. I sat there a long time, just pouring over the words he said to me. I then started to think about our lives and our family’s lives. 

I was thinking about all of the interactions with law enforcement, the drugs and alcohol, the lies and manipulation, the hopelessness and depression and all the needless destruction and death. 

I asked myself the following question. 

“How can one person have such a terrible impact on so many people … on generations of people?” 

It was then I felt something begin to rise up within me and the voice of God responded. 

“If one person can have such a destructive impact … one person can have a more powerful, Godly impact. One person can shatter the path of destruction and begin to create a path of healing and hope.” 

This revelation brought a new insight and a fiery inspiration to me. 

If my biological mother, just an individual, could influence a path of death and destruction … then I, just an individual, could certainly influence life and hope. 

I determined in my heart in that moment that I would never again quiver in intimidation to the past influence of destruction because I KNEW that life and HOPE were stronger and more powerful than anything that could come against them. 

Several years have passed since this conversation with my biological brother and I’ve thought about it relentlessly over the years. 

I’ve asked myself many questions since this time. One question being “Why is he so convinced that it’s too late for him?” 

He made this same statement to me over 20 years ago. I invited him to go to church with me and he took me up on my invitation. He actually attended several services and made his way up front for prayer. As he stood with his hands lifted in prayer, I could see the presence of God moving on him. 

He decided in one of the services to get baptized, but asked for a Bible Study about baptism first. So, I sat with him between Sunday services, taught him a Bible Study on baptism, grabbed a few towels and we headed back to the church. 

Right before he was to get baptized, he leaned over to me and said “I don’t think I should get baptized. It’s too late for me to be saved.” 

I tried to convince him this wasn’t true, but he sat in the pew the rest of the service, stuck with his decision to not get baptized and made no more attempts to pray or seek the presence of God.

It wasn’t until a few years ago, while reading the story of King Saul and David, that I had the answer to my question. 

You see, when we stand at a crossroads in life, we stand with two paths before us and a big decision to make. 

We can either begin walking the path we’ve never traveled or continue on the path of familiarity. 

It’s a tough decision. 

Though the path of familiarity may be riddled with pain and destruction … it’s familiar … It's comfortable. 

The path we’ve never taken may have restored hope and new life, but it’s unfamiliar and uncomfortable. 

The old path means we can carry the same old baggage and keep doing the same old things. 

The new path means we need to leave the old baggage and behaviors behind. 

From the outside looking in, it’s an easy decision to make. It’s obvious the new path with hope and life is what we NEED. But, the internal conflict in the decision-making process can be a tough one. 

What causes us to stand at a crossroads, knowing we need to go in a new direction, yet feel drawn to the old path? 

What is the internal battle taking place that influences our decision, even when0 the choice should be obvious? 

The answer to these questions all circle back to the core personal values an individual possesses. 

In the story of King Saul, we find a man who has been made King and handed victory over his enemies. This seems like a great place to be. Yet, King Saul made several decisions that led to him losing his place as King while a lowly shepherd boy made some decisions that secured his place as King. 

What characteristics did King Saul exhibit leading up to the loss of his status? 

In a time of peace, he waged war.

He called for a sacrifice to draw his people back to him, fearing they were not following him as he thought they should. 

He disobeyed the instructions of God, instead doing what was right in his own eyes. 

He lied, saying he did follow the instructions given him, and then justified his disobedience by casting blame to the people he was to be leading. 

He stood in fear against the enemy of his people and sent in a young boy to do his job. 

He was jealous and envious of the attention and accolades young David was receiving. In fact, he took on a murderous spirit, seeking to kill young David. 

He was called rebellious and stubborn by the prophet. 

He cared about losing his Kingdom and Respect more than serving the people he was called to serve. 

Just in what I’ve listed above, I see a strong correlation between King Saul’s actions and the values of: 

Power

Control 

Position 

Pride

Selfishness 

…. Just to name a handful. 

King Saul was given the opportunity to reign as King and had all the power and prestige one could hope for. However, the actions he took and his reactions to instruction and reprimand, brought out a reflection of what he truly valued. 

His core personal values drove his actions and his reactions and eventually led to his destruction. 

How does this relate to my biological brother? 

You see, when the opportunity for new life was presented to him at his crossroads of life, he made his decision based on what he truly valued and justified his action by taking on the belief that “it was too late for him.” 

Why? 

The same reason any of us make the decisions we make, be them decisions that lead to positive or negative outcomes. 

Values. 

There are some things on the old path he values and fears losing MORE than the things he values gaining on the new path. 

As you read this text, I encourage you to understand two important lessons. 

First, there is great and mighty power in the influence you have. Choose to dedicate and aim your influence at breaking down the past destruction with restored hope and new life. Just as the power of one can destroy, the power of one can restore.

Second, picture yourself at your current crossroads of life. One path is the familiar and comfortable path. The other is the new path that leads to restored hope and new life. 

Take a true inventory of the values that are impacting which direction you are currently pointing your feet. If you notice you might be leaning too far toward the old paths, be intentional about restructuring your values and getting yourself pointed in the right direction, prepared to take the new path.